He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize