So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
