Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
