I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
