I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
