just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
