No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
