I've blown a few things in my day
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
