Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
