I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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