I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize