Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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