If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
