He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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