Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
