dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish life had little blips of pornography
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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