i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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