Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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