By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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