I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
