Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
