I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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