I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
