my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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