there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
