I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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