This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
