my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
someone threw a dead crab at me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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