Your face is a jimmy john
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
