At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
