Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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