Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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