he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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