I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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