I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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