youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
