and you said cock pushups were impossible
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
