If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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