a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
