I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
