I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
