"it" just moved
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
