Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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