i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
