I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
