my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
