I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
