the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
