There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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