Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize