I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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