i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
