chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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