He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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