Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
