We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
