yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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