I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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