are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
