I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
