I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize