Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
