I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
