i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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