i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rumble strips road head = magical
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
