I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
FUCK WHALES
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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