I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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