my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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