My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
