3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
