My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
