Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
