i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize