just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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