Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize