the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
