My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize