my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
