yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
