We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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