yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
