I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
