she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
