Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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