This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
